


Dear Diary...

by HotaruMuraki



Category: Saiunkoku Monogatari
Genre: Gen, Kouyuu's directionally challenged, Near total disregard of anime- and novel-verse, Sincere apology to Lewis Caroll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-12 20:21:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4493406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HotaruMuraki/pseuds/HotaruMuraki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kouyuu gets lost. Again. In more than one way. <i>Again!</i><br/>But why exactly is everybody behaving so weirdly Well, weirder than normal, anyway.<br/>Ran Shuuei with--with <i>bunny ears</i>!?<br/>And that's just the beginning...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Diary...

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another _Secret Santa_ fanfic. Also over from a certain community on LJ. This time, however, it's from 2010!  
>  Prompt: _any genre is welcome – AU, fantasy, sci-fi, mystery, comedy, present day. If it could feature two or three of the following characters then I would be thrilled: Seiran, Ensei and/or Kouyu. Theme can be anything from a misunderstanding to a Christmas meal gone wrong. Any creative and fun ideas are also welcome._  
>  So _this_ *points downwards* is what actually was created in response to _that_! ô__O?!  
>  I have to add that I, myself, don't keep a diary. However, that could be something that Li Kouyu might be doing, right? He'd have enough to write about after a day's hard work at the Imperial Court. ;-) CC&C welcome!

  


  


Dear Diary,

  


You'll never believe what happened to me. In fact, I hardly believe it myself! ~~Maybe it was a dream after all? The doctor did say stress could do... _things_ to people.~~ But I better start at the beginning or this will make even less sense . . . *sigh* Oh well, here goes:

Yesterday I was hurrying to a meeting in the Southern Garden Pavilion ~~that lazy-ass~~ our emperor announced all of a sudden when. . . BAMM! The hallway had secretly, insidiously been moved – a _gain_! – and been replaced with a wall instead. ~~Why do people always, always insist on moving things around!~~

When I lay there, dazed, I saw that Ran Shuuei running towards me. Only... He was wearing white bunny-ears and a fluffy tail over his court-clothes! O__O!? Had our emperor changed the meeting to a costume party or something? (And yes, _he_ really _would_ do that. Did it, in fact, just last Tuesday when Shuurei-dono mentioned seeing something similar once.) But I digress!

That impossible man ran towards me---and past me, all the while muttering "I'm late, I'm late. Oh gods, he'll kill me if I'm any later!". Huh? Since when does ~~Shuuei~~ Ran-sama care about being late? Or being on time? Did he get lost on the Road of Life or what?

Anyway, since we were both apparently going in the same direction, I scrambled up and followed him. I honestly didn't know he could move that fast...

I nearly lost sight of him when he turned around a corner in the hallway but when I turned around that very same corner, I saw ~~Shuuei~~ Ran-san hurrying into the room at the end. Must be the meeting place, I thought – Hah! – so naturally, I followed him.

  


When I entered, he was nowhere in sight. ~~Damn!~~ The only things I did see were several doors leading to...other places, I suppose, and a small table with an assortment of sweets and a bottle of indeterminate content. And... Well, just as I was ~~sniffing~~ examining the open bottle, I saw a small, bunny-eared ~~Shuuei-baka~~ Ran-san rush towards a small doorway. (Funny that I hadn't noticed it before...)

This sight of said bunny-eared idiot made me involuntarily tip the bottle I was holding in front of my face and—Yes! You guessed right. Since my mouth was open from seeing _that_... It tasted horrible! Absolutely, undeniably, incredibly, stomach-ache-inducing, dizzyingly horrible. Almost like one of Shouka-dono's teas put in a bottle...  >__<;;;;;

  


Next thing I know, the rooms had been moved _again_ and I now found myself in a _huge_ hall about a hundred feet away from the arch I saw Shuuei's fluffy bunny-tail disappear through. What the hell–!? Anyway, I thought I'd better not let that ~~bastard~~ man out if my sight again! So, naturally, I followed through. (Hadn't that doorway been smaller before...?)

Only to find myself in a garden. Or wilderness. Or whatever you call a bunch of shrubs, boulders, flowers and grass that are way over your head in size. And that Ran-brat made good use of his longer legs by disappearing on me. (Wait until I get my hands on that-that—Aaargh!!!) So I thought to myself, 'Well, where should I go now?'

One direction as good as the other, I simply set off towards an iris I could see in the distance. And that really wasn't so bad; nice weather, fresh air and—who am I kidding? I was lost, I was tired and I was probably late by now. Furthermore, I had to take care not to get trampled by all sorts of creatures fleeing in the direction I was coming from.

  


I admit, starting to run in the direction everything else was fleeing from may not have been the brightest idea but in hindsight, everything is perfect. However, I reasoned that whoever could make a bunch of giant cicadas crash-land into the nearest body of water would maybe also be able to help me get out of here. Wherever 'here' was.

Before I could further give in to my blackening mood, however, I came upon an even stranger sight: Ran Ryuuren sitting on an enormous mushroom, merrily playing tune after tune on his flute without a care – to the world _or_ to notes. Not to mention anyone unlucky enough to be within hearing range.

The (bizarre!) conversation following after his seeing me went something like this:

"Welcome, friend of my soul-friend No.1! What brings you here?"

"..."

".....?"

"I'm on my way to a tea-party. We set off together, but that idiot went on ahead!"

"Ah, foolish brother no.4! He's good at running."

"Hai." And if _that_ wasn’t the understatement of this century, I didn’t know what would qualify!

"How nice of you to remind me of the tea-party! Let's go!"

"Huh? What do you mean--Together...?"

"But of course! Friend of my soulfriend no.1, we do have the same way after all."

That was how I ended up travelling with yet another Ran. (And let me tell you, once one Ran Ryuuren decides to do something, not even the Seven Sages would be able to stop him!) At least that caterwauling he insisted on calling 'beautiful, soul-enrichening music for a friend of a friend on a journey' kept away any wild animals who might otherwise have attacked us. ~~Had I had a choice, I wouldn't have come within hearing range either!~~

  


Now if only that Ran hadn't insisted on me trying some of the berries he'd found... They were way too sweet! What's more, they made me feel a bit... ~~dizzy~~ disoriented after a while. (But better a bit dizzy than having to listen to that offered 'concert to clear one's head of all troubles'!)

The thing is, almost as soon I'd thought this, I heard a well-known "My, my... What do we have here...?" from behind me. And when I turned around, Reishin-sama was standing there in all his glory, smackdab in the middle of the road. (I still wonder where he suddenly came from!)

"Reishin...sama.....?"

"Kouyu." He raised his fan, undoubtedly hiding a smirk at my 'choice' of travelling companions. "........and a Ran-brat."

The 'Ran-brat' 's answering tune sent squirrels scrambling for cover and birds falling out of the sky.

Yet another reason why I admire Reishin-sama so much: he didn't even wince at this assault on his auditory sense. Instead he just asked me where I was going and continued to completely ignore Ran Ryuuren. (Who, I have to add, didn't seem bothered by that at all.)

After listening to my explanation, Reishin-sama snapped his fan closed and pointed along the road. "Very well, I will go with you. We do have the same goal. Besides, who knows what will happen if some insect decides to bite you." – is what he said. I swear the pointed look he threw in Ran Ryuuren's direction was as accidental as the condescending smirk accompanying it. Not that the flute-playing menace paid any attention. Again.

  


After a short walk that seemed to take forever ~~what with Ryuuren ignoring Reishin-sama and the latter's remarks becoming more and more cutting~~ , we stepped into a clearing. A clearing unlike any I'd ever seen, for it held a low table and several cushions, three of which were occupied by--?!

I blinked. No, they're still there. No dream, then. So Kou Kijin-dono, Kou Shouka-dono and a sleeping Ensei-san really _were_ sitting on three of those cushions...

We were welcomed with a "You're just in time. Please take a seat." from the ~~eccentric~~ the masked man in the middle.

Reishin-sama complied in a flash. Before I knew it, he was sitting down next to Shouka-dono, animatedly telling 'ani-ue' (What the–!? O__O?) how, where and why he was in our company. Ryuuren and I just looked at each other, shrugging, as we sat down on the remaining cushions.

After making some small-talk with us, Kou Kijin then said the words I secretly – and with good reason! – began to fear: "Kou-dono, how about serving our guests some tea? Is it ready?"

Upon hearing this, Shouka-dono beamed, stating that yes, the tea was ready. He had _just_ brewed it himself! (I know, I know. What doesn't kill you just makes you stronger. But what if that tea–?!  >__<;; Help!)

  


And help I did get, although from a rather unlikely source. Ran Ryuuren blew a short trill (–making a squirrel land in the tea-pot. Poor, poor rodent! –) and said that unfortunately, he was unable to stay any longer because he was expected at another event. I really, really adore Reishin-sama but I also really, really, _really_ am afraid of the sort of teas his brother brews. Which is why I got up when Ran Ryuuren did and cited the same ~~excuse~~ reason for leaving.

Kou Kijin must be psychic, I _swear_ , because the next thing happening was him waking a sleeping Ensei-san with a ~~nudge~~ kick and announcing in a perfectly pleasant voice that "Oh my, is it that time already? Then we should hurry as well." to everyone present. Turns out that apparently, they had been invited to the event our emperor ~~cooked up~~ came up with as well. Oh well, the more the merrier, right? Right!?

And off we were, Reishin-sama nearly clinging to Shouka-dono, a still sleepy Ensei-san hanging on to Ran Ryuuren of all people and Kou Kijin-dono walking beside me in all his masked ~~beauty~~ ~~weirdness~~ get-up.

  


To make a long walk short, the whole party arrived at the entrance to the Imperial Palace's Southern Garden Pavilion. (The whole thing did take a bit longer than I expected, though. Or maybe I was just imagining things...?)

And just as we entered from one side, ~~the idiot-emperor~~ Ryuuki-heika entered from the other, a beautifully dressed Shuurei-kihi and the ever-present, watchful bodyguard, Shi Seiran, in tow and—Aaargh! That ~~low-life, good-for-nothing~~ Ran Shuuei trailed them! (Why he still insisted on wearing those ridiculous white bunny-ears and tail is beyond me. *sigh* Maybe I'm better off not knowing...)

After the usual, _controlled_ mess of greeting and sitting down in the right place, Shuurei-kihi took reign of the situation. She personally poured tea for each of us! Reishin-dono nearly fainted in bliss when she handed him his cup with a smile. (For the records: she still is unaware of their exact...relations. ^.^)

Everyone settled down, peacefully contemplating the multitude of plum-blossoms around us. Too peaceful and smooth to be true, you might say? You'd be right! So what happened next didn't really come as a surprise for me.

Shuurei-kihi lifted the five-tiered bento-box she brought, announcing "I have made some small manjuu-buns to go with the tea. It's not much, but please....help yours--!". By then she had lifted the cover off the top tier and discovered the lack of content in the box. A further examination proved that only the last two tiers of the bento-box still held manjuu. After evenly distributing those among the people present, Shuurei-kihi sat down again, still smiling sweetly. The tic at her temples surely was a trick of the light? ... _right_?!

. . . have you ever seen a pissed-off cat just _waiting_ to pounce on the hapless mouse that roused its ire? Well, that's the impression I got right then. Turns out I wasn't all that far off the mark, too, because... (Her words, not mine!)

"As you can see, _someone_ stole the manjuu I made for this occasion. So this thief is responsible for the paltry amount of food you just received. I'm deeply sorry for the inconvenience and hope you'll accept my apology." Shuurei-kihi bowed to all of us.

Unfortunately – or fortunately, depending on the point of view – this plot of hers to maybe incite the thief to confess to his misdeed...worked. Sort of. I could see Ryuuki-heika guiltily squirming more and more the longer she spoke. Care to take a guess as to who ate the manjuu...?

When I looked at bunny-Shuuei, I saw by his amused smile that he'd come to the same conclusion. And—

—from Shuurei-kihi's steadily darkening glare, she, too, had singled out the culprit. The dawning realization made her beautiful face heat up in righteous anger. "Ry—yuu—kiiiiii——!" And right when as she was about to (verbally) lay into her idiot of a ~~husband~~ ~~fiancé~~ emperor, said man beat her to it by wailing a litany of "I'm sorry Shuurei!" interspersed with "I love you!"s, "I didn't mean to!"s and "They were soooo tasty!  <3". That last one only served to make her even more angry than before. Really, I thought he'd at least learned by now when to keep his mouth shut! (Apparently not!)

  


Just before her rage reached the boiling point, Ryuuki-heika jumped up and started to run. (Smart man! I've seen Shuurei-kihi fell a larger man with a frying-pan once, and for far less...) She promptly gave chase, shouting admonishments of various kinds at Ryuuki-heika's retreating back.

Shi Seiran stood up, bowed politely to all of us and hurried after his charge, intent on minimizing any possible physical harm.

"She's too good for him!" was all Reishin-sama said, sniffing in clear, indignant disaproval.

Kou Kijin and Kou Shouka simply continued sipping their tea, smiling beatifically.

Ran Ryuuren—didn't play a tune of farewell. He just helped himself to the manjuu-buns Ryuuki-heika had had to leave behind, citing that "Soul-friend no.1 made these. It would be a shame to let them go to waste."

Ensei actually dared to eat Seiran-san's share of the manjuu. "I don't think he still needs those." was what he claimed. The _nerve_ of that man! Clearly, he must be suicidal!

And Shuuei... Ran Shuuei had sidled up to me, sitting down with practiced nonchalance, totally at ease with the rather bizarre situation. I blinked. When exactly had he gotten so close to me—? And _what_ in the Seven Sages' name was he planning? ~~Where those white bunny-ears really as soft as they looked?~~ \--NO! I did _not_ think that! That was just a...a...random thing! Totally random!!

"Sooo..." Bunny-Shuuei purred. "Wanna share my... _manjuu_?" He leaned closer—and _closer_ —and——

Darkness edged closer, narrowing my field of vision to two white bunny-ears on top of a dark head and—

—I ~~fainted~~ ~~blacked out~~. . . . .fainted. T_T

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When I came to again, a concerned Kou Shuurei leaned over me, dabbing my face with a damp towel. A worried Shi Ryuuki tried to hover unobtrusively in the background, his face for once clearly showing his agitation.

"When you were late in coming to the Pavilion, we went to look for you. Then we found you lying on the floor, unconscious. Turns out you kissed the wall a little bit too hard when you went left instead of right, hmm...?" an annoyingly familiar voice drawled from somewhere above and behind me.

. . . !!! No, it couldn't be true. Kami, please, don't let this be true! Because fiend that he is, he'll never let me live this down—But I already felt the truth. *sigh* Yes, I, Li Kouyu, assistant to the Head of the Public Administration Department, was resting my head on the thighs of a kneeling Ran Shuuei, the General of the Shaorin army. *sigh* Almost dreading the sight I sort of turned around, looked up at him and—

—"Where are your bunny-ears...?" left my lips before I could stop it.

  
  


And that is the story of why I am confined to my chambers right now, told in no uncertain terms and by various ~~people~~ friends to "...rest and recover from that concussion due to the blunt, hard object (Wall!) meeting your head." (Guess who said that! ...and the first two guesses don't count! >__<;;)

I'm not sure I shouldn't be dreading the next day. But! However it may turn out to be, it won't be bad. Because I won't have to face it alone!

  


Yours truly,  
         Li Kouyu

  


  


**Author's Note:**

> I kinda procrastinated this one because at times, I either had no ideas or the plot-bunnies bit me into an unrecognizable heap. *g* The bout of flu I got actually helped me in deciding what to ~~torturegift you with this year (=2010!). (At least something good came out of that, right? ~__^)~~  
>  Sorry...?
> 
> Explanations:  
> \- I'm not sure about the appropriate suffix for an emperor or his consort/empress. Therefore I used whatever I remembered from both this series and other anime I watch.  
> \- In case nobody noticed: this is supposed to be a somewhat butchered version of Lewis Caroll's "Alice in Wonderland". Only Kouyu didn't notice anything strange about it... *sweatdrops* Sometimes I seriously wonder where else he gets lost.  
> \- Any words like ~~this~~ are meant to be things Kouyu might have written in an entry in his diary but then crossed out again for one reason or other. I wanted to create a certain feeling of...well, _realism_ , I suppose.  
> \- _Everlaughter_ , I'm really sorry beyond words that I make you do with this. Nevertheless, it's written with plot-bunny-bites all over me. ///__^v
> 
> Thank you, people on AO3 - and of the [Saiunkoku Monogatari fanfic community](http://community.livejournal.com/saiunkoku_fic/)! - for reading this!


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